Motivation and Anxiety

Today, I attended my very first yoga class. Our wellness center offers all classes for free on the first week of every semester, so I knew I had to take advantage of this. I've always wanted to attend a yoga class (it's on my bucket list!), but I always used the cost as an excuse to avoid the anxiety of trying something totally new. This time, I had no excuse. It was just me and my anxiety.

For the past several weeks, I had been saying I was going to go to as many classes as I could this week to try everything out. Now that the week is here, I've been piling up excuses left and right.

But I'm done with that. I hate that quality in me. I need to be brave, flexible, adaptive, and fearless. If I ended this week without going to one single yoga class, I would never have forgiven myself. So I kicked my butt all the way to the wellness center this morning and just did it.

So I guess you could say I'm really proud of myself. :) Several times throughout the class, I would smile and think to myself how ridiculous it was that I was afraid of ever being there. Even if I went by myself and knew nobody, it didn't matter. Yoga is a personal, reflective thing. You never really have to feel self-conscious about not knowing what you're doing because it's such an intricate and self-centered form of exercise that nobody has time to see what you're doing. They're too busy perfecting their own positions, focusing on their own breathing, or meditating in their own minds. They don't give a crap if your knee isn't perfectly above your ankle.

I've been dealing with motivation a lot since the end of the Semester from Hell. And I don't mean motivation like, "Get off the couch and do something productive!" I mean it in a bigger sense, like "Figure out what you want in life, and work toward it. Don't let fear stop you."

I'm getting tired of the bitterness and jealousy I experience when I witness other people's awesome lives on Facebook. I have friends/acquaintances studying abroad, getting internships in California, finding careers in Florida, and going on vacation in Colorado, the Caribbean, or New York City. I'm tired of it because I know that I could have those things, too...if I just stopped doubting myself and letting my anxiety win.

I really hate running. But I tell myself, "If Micaela can run a marathon, I can most certainly run a mile."

I freak out on the first day of big life changes. But I tell myself, "If Katie can move to Nashville for an internship, I can most certainly attend a middle school within walking distance of my apartment, find the classroom I've already observed, and become better acquainted with a teacher I've already met."

The point is, I'm graduating this spring, and I know what I want--to move out of South Dakota. Preferably, to move out of the Midwest completely. And--just like with the yoga class--it sounds so fine and dandy when it's far in the future, but I know when the time comes, the anxiety will creep up on me. And I'll stick around, find a school nearby, and plant myself there for life. Then I'll watch other people's lives and be miserable that I was too scared to make my own dreams a reality.

Well, I don't want that to happen, so I need to practice getting out of my comfort zone and kicking Mr. Anxiety in the face. I found a great opportunity to get into an incredible teaching program in Boston (yes, Boston!). I'm going to pursue it. And I'll probably have a lot of anxiety about it, but that won't stop me.

Maybe this time next year, people will be bitter and jealous of my Facebook photos...

Thanksgiving

I've always loved Thanksgiving. I think it's the simplicity of it. Everyone gets a day off, eats good food, and reflects on what they're thankful for. It's a lot like Christmas, except without the pressure of gift-giving.

I struggled to enjoy it this year as much as I usually do. This semester really has been a lesson on poverty; I've participated in poverty simulations, learned about real examples of poverty in South Dakota, heard from Mary Robinson (the former president of Ireland) as she spoke about the extreme famine in third-world countries, and learned about how poverty affects the classroom.

Being aware of all these issues, I had a hard time enjoying a day that revolves around overeating. The restaurant I work at was hosting a free Thanksgiving meal for members of the community who couldn't afford to have their own, and as I sat at my grandma's house, passing around heaping bowls of mashed potatoes, stuffing, dinner rolls, and lefse, I wanted nothing more than to be back at the restaurant, helping out. I just felt sick, spoiled, and unworthy. I wanted to do something--anything to help.

That being said, I survived my first Thanksgiving as a vegetarian. Not difficult. After all, the desserts are the best part, and there's no meat in pumpkin pie! ;)

I'm eager to get back to school so I can power through these last few weeks. I sense stress and chaos in the near future, so I've been emotionally bracing myself.

I'll be a student teacher in just a couple of months. Almost there. I just gotta keep going. One day at a time.

Eric Schlosser

This evening, I was blessed with the rare opportunity of meeting one of my biggest heros, Mr. Eric Schlosser.

This is the man who changed my life. This is the man that forced me to think about food in new ways. This is the man who uncovered a passion in me that I had never felt before. This passion for food, health, and sustainable living gave me confidence, energy, and purpose. It gave me an identity. A hobby. A lifestyle.

Growing up in rural South Dakota, I often struggle with the mainstream adoration of biotechnology. I once got in a little debate in class with a bunch of ag education majors who were mocking the organic market. And this is normal for me. So as I sat in the fourth row, seeing Eric Schlosser right there in front of me, speaking about all the things I am most passionate about, knowing many of my friends, peers, and community members were all there listening to it, made me more emotional than I have been since leaving Ireland.

As expected, the question and answer period brought much heated discussion. Every question began with, "I am a family farmer. I actually agree with some of the things you said, but..." And then it went downhill from there.

I noticed quickly during this time that the audience was segregated. Whenever one of these farmers said something, applause roared from the back of the theater. As these farmers were speaking, all the people around me in the front of the theater were rolling their eyes, shaking their heads, and muttering to their neighbors about how embarrassed they were by these members of the opposing viewpoints.

(On one hand, I agree. There were a few comments that just made me duck my head in shame, and they reminded me of why I want to move to Europe. On the other hand, I felt it disrespectful for us to want "the others" to keep their opinions to themselves.)

I used to think I was alone as a food activist in South Dakota, but the segregation of the audience at this event made me realize I'm not alone--I'm just socializing with the wrong people. :) It also makes me realize that there's a distinct segregation in the culture of this community, state, and perhaps the country as a whole. If you look at my school alone, we have the "farm kids" and the "not-farm kids." To say that we don't always see eye to eye  would be an understatement. (One of my best friends comes from a farm....but that's an organic farm, so I don't think that counts).

One question/comment given tonight really caught my attention. A man introduced himself as a family farmer (naturally) and explained that--in this region--it's almost impossible to get ahold of seed that ISN'T genetically modified. The large corporations have taken over so much that even those that WANT to plant non-GMO crops are having a hard time making it happen.

So anyway, let's skip to the happy part. As if hearing him speak wasn't enough of a pleasure, he was also doing a book signing afterwards. I'm not going to lie--I was on the verge of tears. I held them back so people wouldn't think I was crazy. Although, if you saw how much I was shaking and fidgeting around, you'd probably think I was crazy anyway. :)

And then it happened. I stood in line for 10-15 minutes, and then there I was, at the front of the line, nervously pushing my copy of Fast Food Nation toward him.

I said to him, "Thank you so much for being here. Growing up around here, it's just....welll....you heard those attitudes out there, so you know what I'm dealing with. And it's just so....confining and frustrating, and it's just so refreshing to have someone like you come here, so I really appreciate it..thank you so much." And he said that that was great to hear. And then I added that I saw Food Inc. about a year and a half ago, and it just absolutely changed my life. He smiled and said thanks again, and my friend Alex, who was standing next to me, made some comment about how I was boosting his confidence or something? I don't remember. And Eric laughed and replied, "Yeah, I kind of needed that, thank you." :) My schoolmates bruised his ego.. :( And I fixed it. :D

And then I asked for a picture with him. He laughed and said, "Are you sure you won't regret this someday?" He has a fabulous sense of humor.

Now if only I could meet Michael Pollan...

Soup It Up!

So.

As it turns out, being a senior English Education major in her final semester before student teaching is extremely stressful. When I'm not in class, I'm tutoring. When I'm not tutoring, I'm observing or giving lessons in nearby high schools. When I'm not doing that, I'm giving mock lessons in my labs. When I'm not in lab, I'm waitressing at the pizzeria. When I'm not waitressing, I'm doing homework. And when I'm not doing homework, I'm sleeping.

Or eating.

I might have taken on a little too much this fall. But that's okay, because I've had plenty of soup to keep me warm and cozy and sane.

Since the beginning of the school year, I have made three different soups (not counting chili). All thanks to this baby:

My immersion blender is seriously the most used appliance in my kitchen. It's almost frustrating that it's never clean when I need it, because I often use it multiple times a day. Smoothies, soup, pasta sauces, etc.

Potato Corn Chowder

I essentially made a pureed potato soup, and then cut the corn off the cob and added it in. Only four ingredients: onion, vegetable broth, potatoes, and corn. Everything but the broth came from the farmers market! Vegan, local, and organic. Just the way I like it.

Potato Soup

I used the leftovers from the other soup. And garnished it with fresh rosemary growing from the pail on my balcony. :) Three ingredients: onion, broth, potatoes.

Roasted Acorn Squash Soup

I've never actually had squash before. Or at least acorn squash. Admittedly, I had to ask Google how to roast a squash. But the experience was a positive one! I ended up eating spoonfuls of it before dumping it in the soup. 

So I've done the whole pureed soup thing. Now I'm going to try my hand at hearty, chunky soups. With lots of beans.